Nothing is Wonderful!

Three day weekends are a double edged sword. The rest is nice, but I take myself to task for all I haven't done in the seemingly extra time. I become distracted from my usual routine, realizing there is more world out there that I will ever see in one lifetime.  I eventually get through the depressed state of mind this realization induces and start trying to figure out how to make this desire a reality, only to get distracted back on task into my work-a-day life by the practical needs presented for fulfillment by both those dreams and the need to survive.

I find myself at the end of another missed opportunity to get out of the house a bit, but am grateful for the rest it has provided. My mind is awake, my body is far less sore than it was on Friday,  and I have had the opportunity to write a bit. I miss it, and this break has reminded me exactly how much writing makes me feel better. I've no idea why, I just know that I shouldn't forget the fact.

I've enjoyed the time off, it's been an opportunity to recharge, one that was sorely needed, even if I didn't realize it at first. I'd almost forgotten ( classifed the information in a less accessible portion of my brain, anyway) how wonderful doing nothing can be. No plans, no going anywhere, no catching up on the million and one things I "should" be doing, just living like a couch potato and ignoring the myriad "needs", realizing most of them are simply busywork, and have no real bearing on my existence. Tomorrow it will all come back, rushing in, and I will do the things that need to be done everyday. Tomorrow.

Right now, I have to finish doing nothing.

Hurry Up and Wait

Well, recent events just go to show how much of a kiddie roller coaster  life can be! We got a new car in Feb., and have put just about 10k miles on it. We had an emergency trip to Arizona for a memorial service immediately following a large corporate event at my work, combined with a department transfer shortly before layoffs at my workplace, (I've escaped the axe thus far, yay!). The effects have made keeping up with school this semester beyond my ability to manage to my satisfaction. It isn't that the work is difficult, they are all freshman level courses, the problem is that there is not time in the day to complete the work, and also hold down a 10 hr a day (due to the department shift, oh joy) job with 45 minutes of commute each way. The lack of sleep makes it like I step into a Hunter S. Thomson novel, drug free. I  have withdrawn from classes, but am slated to start up again next semester, and hopefully will be able to CLEP through a couple courses before then!

I have had new opportunities at work, and have proven that the squeaky wheel gets the grease as far as training is concerned. But, now things are slowing down a bit, it is simply the nature of the industry, it fluctuates given the needs of the customer, and the ability of entities to invest in our customers product. I wish the finances didn't fluctuate with it! I need to get to work on that, and may perhaps have the time, if this keeps up.

All things considered, things are lookin' up, but it's kinda hard to get around the crick in my neck, if you catch my drift.

Here's to sunshine and lack of birds directly perpendicular to my direction of travel!

Living the Dream

Another year has begun, and I've not mentioned it here, two thirds of a month in. I tend to become retrospective in January. I realize most people do this at the end of a year, rather than the beginning.

"A change in the wind, says I," - yes, that is how I feel, as though great changes were headed into our lives. I know why. There has been a lot of change, with more to come. We have a large kitten, (named Siouxsie, we did finally name her, and she is a bit of a banshee), and our dog Diablo has heart disease and cancer. We are looking at land, more seriously. My man is employed! There is a home with hot running water, a dishwasher, and more than 240 sq. ft. on the horizon, perhaps within three months. I am in my second semester of school. My job is progressing, I am learning new things in my field every day. I can see how eventually, all this effort will pay off. I hope.

I feel overwhelmed by all we have yet to accomplish, but that the "we" is stronger. I am encouraged by what our effort has produced thus far. I have not given up, and my hope has been strengthened. I have a roof, with hope of a better one. I have food, even good food. I have fresh running water, and if we have to heat it the old fashioned way right now, it teaches patience and water conservation, and when we get in a new place, running hot water will feel like an extreme, pampering luxury. I will have room to work! I can pull out and fire up the forge. Maybe set up a spinning wheel. I want to learn how to play the piano, too.

School seems to be one of those things that will feel like it takes forever, but will be gone before I know it. In ten years, if it all comes together, I'll be a papered engineer, with a couple patents under her belt, living in a hand built earthen dome home on desert acreage, with a man using his computer science major and the business he has built. We'll be able to travel, able to be comfortable, and able to pursue those activities we choose. I will have become the blacksmith/bladesmith I have wanted to become for years. Perhaps by then I will have that novel published, with one or two more behind it.

I have filled my time with "impossible goals", not that the individual dreams are impossible, but that they could all happen together. "Accomplishing the impossible, one day at a time," that's my mantra these days, because, it isn't impossible. It's simply improbable. For me, that's a piece of cake! Right? Right.

I wonder, can confidence and sheer willpower pull it off? Sure. I think... anyway, that's what I have to work with, right now, so it will simply have to be enough.

Yeah, it'll work.