Chapter Break...

Well, a lot has happened in the last few days, or at least it seems like it.  We ended up fixing the car. After some internet research and more diagnostics, I ended up figuring that we had about an 85% chance of the problem just being the busted CV axle, and seeing as we already had the part, we replaced it. The car lives!  As a side note, working in wet, cold conditions sucks.  having a concrete surface on which to work is worth a great deal. Hopefully I’ll end up with a second vehicle later this year though.

In other news, today was my last full-time, regular day for the taxi.  Monday I start out at my new job.   I “kind of” quit like this before, but this time it has a sense of finality to it.  I haven’t burnt any bridges, but it feels as though that door has now closed.  That is the longest I have held a job with one employer. I’ve worked with and for some really great people. I know I’ll see them around town, but it just isn’t the same.

However, I am really excited about starting at the new place. It is an entry-level position, but a great company. I am excited to be a part (albeit  very small) of the work they- I mean, “we” do.

I feel as though one chapter has closed, but another is just around the page. It has been a good chapter, so I am excited to see what happens next.

Unexpected Motivation...

Fate has stepped in yet again.      

I was planning on replacing the driver side CV axle in my car this afternoon, should the afternoon be clear, I had even already picked up the part.   Lo and behold, I went into town for an hour or so, and the tranny went out.

I don’t mean it was a little low on fluid, or that something was a bit loose. I mean you can grind gears in an automatic, and the thing will roll in park.

I start a new job in a week, that requires a 25 mile commute, one way.  My household has this one vehicle. We just got it paid off in Dec. Such is life.

However, we were planning on getting a second vehicle this year anyway, and I have wanted a truck for a while.  I just wasn’t planning on it right now.

On the upside, I have found a few online to call about on Monday, and found a possible (unlikely) piece of property closer to my new job, for lease.    We’ll see how things go this next week.

Some days, to reach goals, you just plod along. Others, unexpected motivation just sort of pops out of the pavement, cleverly disguised as a road block.

I’m sure a solution will present itself.  Things like this force me to consider the concrete practicality of the execution of ideas.  Oh well, I work better under pressure.

Modus Viviendi, Pt. 2

 I decided to concretely set down a rough outline of the lifestyle I eventually wish to attain.   According to the dictionary, lifestyle means, and I quote, “the habits, attitudes, tastes, moral standards, economic level, etc., that together constitute the mode of living of an individual or group.” ( Dictionary- dot- com)

1. Habits

I would like to improve some day living skill type habits, in order to make my present environment better.  This includes things like maintaining my home and finances.  Picking one day a week for laundry would be a good start, and using cash only for daily purchases.  Doesn’t seem so hard, right?

2. Attitudes and Tastes

I have champagne taste and beer income. But I don’t like beer, so saving for the occasional bottle of champagne shouldn’t be that difficult. This is meant metaphorically (I actually do prefer beer to champagne). To the point, I appreciate  a fine degree of quality in material goods, but don’t need or want to expend the effort to obtain or maintain most of them. I appreciate to a greater degree the good or genuine ability or talent in people.   

3. Moral Standards

Ayn Rand makes sense to me, with the addendum of  morality and spirituality not being mutually exclusive. I believe there is a God, but also believe Life has been set up as a better teacher than the Bible could ever be.  I believe human beings in general greatly undervalue their own spirit, God given though it is.  I try not to do the same.

4. Economic level

Poor is ok. There will always be someone worse off, and therefore always some way to help. Rich is easier, but deceptive.  Being self sufficient precludes needing to worry about it, and ensures that what you have to help is genuinely yours to freely give.

5. Environment

Clean and chaotic is ok, roughly organized is better. Variety is definitely a good thing.  After basic needs are met, I want some workshop space!  I would like my housing to be comfortable and portable at least some of the time.

6. How my time is spent

A penciled in schedule, with time for projects at which I wish to work.   Entertainment is a nice break once in a while, but I mentally, physically and emotionally starve on it. It doesn’t feed my soul the way learning and creating do.  In short, I wish my time to belong to me, not someone else. I know that, in truth, it does belong to me, whatever I do, I am just trying to build the courage to act on that premise. Hopefully it is a lesson I can really learn and apply. It seems very valuable.

This blogging thing is hella therapeutic.  It is allowing me to take the vague ideas I believe and form them into something I can review. Gotta define goals before I can complete them, no?

I really must sleep if I wish to survive tomorrow. Toodles.

Lifestyle Management

It has occurred to me that many of my goals would be more easily obtained if I had to worry much less about the day-to-day aspects of modern survival. This isn’t a new thought, for me or the world in general, but I would like to outline some of my thinking in this area.

Generally speaking, I believe in the idea that a human being is responsible for himself. Whether you live or die, or in more modern terms, how comfortably you live, is up to you.  The commonly accepted model is that the harder you work, and the more you save, the better off you will be. I believe that too. Where opinions begin to differ is in the application of the principle.

If you haven’t gathered by now, I am big into D.I.Y. Do It Yourself. Unless you can ethically get the job done better and at less personal expenditure by someone else . For me the problem lies in defining exactly where that line falls.  What is easier to define is that paying in advance is almost always far more beneficial than being beholden for payment with interest later.

I have a significant lazy streak. To me, deferred interest paid equals more work later. I don’t like the idea of more work later. Later, I want less work and more time for what I want.

So, for what does my expended effort currently pay? Well, the obvious food, shelter, water, clothing etc. I took some time though, and really thought it out. Right now, a significant portion of my effort is expended in trade for entertainment and convenience. I need to modify that.

 I mentioned in a previous post that I want to develop a self sustaining lifestyle. What I mean by that is being able to pay for things in advance, and eventually make them pay for themselves. That probably sounds like a “duh” kind of statement, but it has taken me years to be able to fully understand what that means.

It doesn’t mean being rich in the traditional sense. I have met a few rich people, and it seems their wealth forces them to expend more effort that it saves them. I have met others that live on financial pittance, but have their time to spend freely, and can go where they want.

 Perhaps wealth lies more in appreciation than possession.

To be continued.

Back in the Real World

Hello. After reading the previous post, I decided that the somewhat random introspection needed to be balanced out by something a little more grounded.

After I submitted my resignation with my current employer, I qualified it with volunteering for back up on call on nights and my days off with my new job.  The wisdom in this is up for debate, we’ll see how I can deal when the time comes.

Thinking about the work my new employer does got me thinking once again about furthering my education, seeing as that seems to be the modus operandi for what I would eventually want to do for a company like that. I checked out the nearest University ( yet again), perusing the various majors and investigating the most interesting ones. After selecting my top two, I reviewed my pending application, coming no closer to being able to answer the multiple choice question about residency that does not take into consideration aged freshmen ( a.k.a. those more that five years distant from high school) that is required to actually submit the form online.

Stumped there, it being after midnight and not being able to call the admissions office for advice on the matter, I proceeded to the all important FAFSA. This document is apparently the foundation of almost any financial aid decision to be made regarding college education.

I received the results of this auspicious screening by email just yesterday. Unfortunately the federal government, through whatever number crunching alchemy they use, has determined I do not qualify for a grant, and that my expected family contribution is well over six thousand dollars, but were happy to provide links to various lending programs. Ah fuck ‘em. Didn’t want their help anyway.

 I do not feel like mortgaging my future assets in some twisted indentured servitude in exchange for something of dubious value that may or may not provide what I want to get out of it.

Let me clarify. I have the utmost respect for and appreciation of the pursuit and attainment of knowledge. What I can’t understand is agreeing to pay financial interest I would be taking a gamble in being able to pay off. I’ve met too many college graduates who are unable or uninterested in using their degree to obtain employment. Being held accountable for a debt of over 20,000 dollars does not sound appealing to me. It doesn’t even seem sensible, given my circumstances and temperament.

Factor into the equation the commuting distance and time investment required, being a full time student will not allow me to further my other goals, and also pay bills like rent and groceries.

So, what I am considering, is merely taking one or perhaps two courses, supplementing this with independent study and trying my darnedest to learn everything applicable I can from my lowly current position, including how best to interact with the people who actually do the interesting stuff and worm my butt into getting promoted to an entry level professional position based on ability and experience.

Besides, if they are the kind of people who value a piece of paper over ability to get the job done, that doesn’t sound like a good business model in my desired field, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable working in that environment anyway.

Now, I just have to get my app submitted, funds raised for at least one course, and find out how the hell I am supposed to get immunization records from 25 years ago, seeing as I was born after 1957.

Analogies, or the Lack of them...

Hey there.  My first mid-week post! Yay! Onward.

 A curious life analogy occurred to me recently. Most of the goal accomplishing gurus strongly suggest plans of action, lists, schedules, and the like. Some advocate extremely detailed descriptions and diagrams, while others suggest simple outlines and general ideas. Most seem to present both ideas, and leave you to choose between them.

For me, many ideas and goals I have seem to interweave like some incomprehensible electrical schematic, viewed through thick smoke and three feet of moving water, constantly morphing and defined in 3D.  I am often influenced by the things I read, from wanting to try something inspired by an adventure novel hero, to becoming emotionally moved or inspired by the true life story of a child soldier, or even going over some of my own old writing, savoring or cringing, in turn.

Priorities change intermittently, opportunities present themselves and withdraw, and when I get the itch to set it all down into some intelligible form, managing to create that plan in something definably concrete, say, paper or a computer file, it looks doable.  Eventually. Here’s where patience comes in. Or to be more exact, the lack of it.

I have not been a patient person in many respects. I made the “mistake” of praying for it once, and Divinity Personified in his judgement and wonderful sense of humor has been teaching me the lessons of it ever since. I have recently learned the yin to this yang, however. If something is to actually occur, there comes a point when patience is no longer a virtue, but a hinderance.

I need to learn Action, as well. I have accomplished some of the things necessary to turn my dreams into reality. Some of them are decidedly humdrum, such as doing the laundry. Others take a bit more gumption, and once the idea has germinated long enough and begins to spring forth and leaf out, invariably more genetic variants present themselves.

The great leaders throughout history have been lauded not only for strategy but decisive action.

I guess the long and short of this post condenses down to my repeated realization that dreaming, planning and action are not necessarily  steps in sequence, 1,2,3, but to be thought of in a loop, revising as we go.

The result of this means that where you aim for is not likely to be where you end up, but if you like where you end up when you get there, it hasn’t been a wasted journey.

Let us lift our glasses to a successful journey, and feed the hope that the destination is a well lived life. 

Guess we don’t know ’til we get there, huh?

P.S.  This post is a classic case in point. That analogy, mentioned in the first paragraph? It had to do with countdowns. By the end of the post, it has become completely irrelevant. I’m not even sure it made sense, come to think of it.

Out of the Blue...

It seems as though settling myself in with something and “resigning” myself to a particular set of circumstances is Fate’s cue to step in and say, “Hey! Now I can shake things up a bit!”

I had settled in to the taxi thing, found my warm fuzzy cocoon within it, and made myself satisfied with it because, as everyone knows, times are hard and jobs are scarce, right? I played up the advantages, such as being able to work on my writing between calls (when I get a laptop someday, this will be much easier), read at my leisure, and get paid for literally sitting on my butt, and waiting.

The last time I got antsy pants about it, I applied for a temp position with a great company who does work I am VERY interested in, especially at the higher levels.  Got the temp work, tried my darndest to turn it into full-time employment, even to the point of applying for a higher position within the same company after I had been laid off. No dice.  They were friendly, but not too hot on me doing the next job for which I had applied (I am capable, just not experienced enough within the field for them to discount lack of a degree). This was several months ago.

10 a.m. on Friday morning, I got a call from them asking me to come back, full-time, in the same position I had worked initially.  By noon, I had spoken with my man, put in tentative and apologetic notice with my current employer, and called my mother. By two, I had hashed it out with her,  called the prospective employer back, confirmed benefits in three months and gotten on day shift,  and solidified the aforementioned notice.

By day’s end I was scheming on how to get moved closer to avoid the 30 min. commute, and justifying it by figuring I could find a place with workshop space and a fenced yard for the dogs. I don’t need a house, mind you, just something with power and a garage door, and a fence.  oh yeah, and cheap rent.

This is a classic example of what happens to me .  Not that I get random job offers, but that interesting stuff happens that shakes up the general plan I had sometimes just moments before.

It keeps things interesting, anyway.

The "I Have's"

It has been firmly established that I want a great many things. I am not ashamed to want a lot, but I do not wish to give the impression that I have nothing, or that I have made no progress toward anything. So, without further ado,  here are a few things I have, and for which I am immensely grateful. Or which I take for granted most of the time.

I have…

A roof and walls of my own. It leaks a little, and needs a lot of work, but thanks to those who love me,  I have a somewhat portable house. Fortunately the rent on the ground beneath the rubber foundation is month to month, so should circumstances present themselves that make it advantageous to move, I can, with little trouble.  I will have even less trouble when/if I ever get the engine rebuilt.  ( I live in a motorhome).

Most of the tools to make some of the things I want to, actual physically present tools like wrenches and saws, and also mental tools,  like experience in construction and mechanics, even for mildly esoteric things, like blacksmithing.

I have an interesting job that I can maintain ( I am a notorious job hopper, never happy working for someone else their way). Being a taxi driver means I have some freedom during my workday, and the times I do not I am making money, so it doesn’t bother me as much. Also, great character inspiration from my customers.

Last but not least, I have the love of a wonderful man who believes in my ability, puts up with my craziness, understands me when I don’t myself, and is willing to try a great many things.  He also keeps my head level enough to look at things practically, and keeps a firm hold on my belt when I want to dive off the deep end, at least until I put on a life jacket.

I have food when I want it,  adequate shelter, plenty of fresh water, access to books and the internet,  and love.  I NEED for nothing.

And in that, I am truly blessed.

The "I Want's..."

So far, I have posted more than a few “I wants…”  most of which are directly coupled to personal effort not expended.  In short, like most of humanity, I am incredibly lazy and somewhat afraid to try things.  In having written the above sentence, I have acknowledged these traits, and hopefully can move past them.  First step is admitting you have a problem, no?  :)

Also, because the idea is for other people to eventually read this, and because most of those people do not know me in person, below is a longer list of my “I wants…”, although still not nearly all-inclusive.

I want…

to learn blacksmithing well enough to craft a fine knife blade from scratch.

to build my own furniture from the ground up, design through finishing.

to author The Great American Novel, thinly veiled within the genre of sci-fi.

to own a piece of the Earth that I can come back to between travels.

to build my home atop or beneath the afore-mentioned piece of Earth.

to travel about the rest of the globe, seeing and absorbing all I can of it.

to become physically fit for climbing, running, and exploring caves.

to build the systems of my life in such a way that they are self-sustainable.

and the list goes on.

You see, I have this video montage of memories yet to be made.  I suppose it is rather like the director who sees the movie in his minds’ eye. I want to be able to watch the movie from atop the mountain described in the previous post.

That being said, movies probably don’t really turn out exactly as the director envisions them in the beginning. I’m fine with that too, as long as it is a good movie.

S

Death Fantasies

Have you ever imagined your death?  Perhaps it is an image of throwing yourself in the path of a speeding bullet to save a loved one, or picturing a pillow covered bed of rest surrounded by family and friends.

My death fantasy is an older, wiser copy of myself, with a weather-beaten, sun darkened visage crowned in a windblown silvery mane.  From the wrinkled depths of this face pierce two lively eyes which seem to laugh, as though they know something you do not, but will learn.  The backdrop is a mountain summit, just conquered,  perhaps a canteen of something good at my side.   The view is stunning.

The view changes from time to time. Some days it may be a lush rain forest, others a harsh desert vista, but where ever the view is set, it is always remote, and full of natural beauty. Various accoutrements are present, perhaps a warrior’s rifle or bow, other times merely a leather-bound journal tucked in a pocket, which is of course filled with personal accounts of wonderful adventures.

In this story, sometimes I am found days or centuries later, and the fact I exist/existed inspires people to explore their world, to believe in human ability to make the impossible not only possible but expected. Sometimes my remains are never found, the mere fact I existed is enough.

What all this boils down to, I think, is that I wish to genuinely experience everything I possibly can. It also means I want to inspire others, and take joy in knowing human being continue to explore and invent, to feel and to play and to live.   Pure simple joy in life is the greatest gift we receive, and all to often, we push it away.

I want to look back, knowing I didn’t push it away.

First Post

Welcome.  This blog is set up to help me slap myself upside the head regarding action towards some of my personal goals. Like most people, I have lots of goals, some of which are fairly ordinary, such as losing weight, getting my household set up properly,  someday getting my dogs leash trained.  Normal stuff.

Other things I would like to think are unique, or interesting, but in reality are common.  I would like to start exploring caves and old, abandoned buildings.  I want to design some flat fold furniture. I want to start using my forge and anvil.  I want workshop space.

I really, REALLY want workshop space.

I have way too many interests, and tend to genuinely believe that anything is possible.  This has led to some interesting lifestyle choices, and a great many illogical decisions.  By that, I mean they seem illogical to most people. They seem like perfectly plausible courses of action to me. At the time.

Under the category  ”Someday, I want _” are a few of the following.

to build a monolithic dome home.

to build a yurt.

to convert a bus.

to build a rat rod (make and year change quite often)

to travel the world

to explore the caves sixty miles from my home.

to make a truly fine knife blade.

there are, of course, many, many more.

This is to be a blog of dreams, sure, but it is to be about action. I will probably not complete all my dreams in this life, and many of them most likely will change. But hey, no harm in trying, right? I just gotta build the gumption. Lots of trying sometimes means lots of failure. That can be hard to swallow. Or swim though. Or drown in.

Anyway, it’s been a hell of a ride so far. Can’t wait to see what is around the corner.