Decisions...

Hello Again, after however long it has been.  Work has taken off wonderfully, I am in a department where I can learn almost constantly, and be creative as well. Unfortunately, this has taken up a great deal of time, I still have not gotten my CDL (hopefully I can get that taken care of in the next two weeks).

In either case, I have gone through the worn-out-then-rejuvenated phase again, it didn’t seem to take as long this time. Nothing accomplished in obtaining work space, but a plan of action has come into focus at least.  Still looking through options, still having the same obstacles. They WILL be overcome, however.

In some ways, my plan of action is the same one it has been for a while. Similar goals, combined with a more solid dedication. I just have to find ways to overcome obstacles. Sometimes taking the bull by the horns is daunting, even if you know how to make it appear effortless.

A great number of people seem to have faith in my ability. That’s awesome, but in other things, I must prove myself, yet again. Proving myself, to myself, is what is required in order to project that confidence that allows me to obtain opportunity. Once I have the opportunity, and need to follow through on it is when I start to stumble a bit. I start thinking “who am I to have this chance? I am not worthy to do this job. I don’t have the knowledge. I don’t have the experience. Other people have this stuff. Why did I get picked?”

The answer to that is in my character, in my personality. It is in being able to take that step forward.

When I’m on familiar ground, that isn’t hard, but it is one hell of a catch 22 when I’m in the dark, can’t see the terrain, and don’t know what time the sun will come up.

Aw hell, screw it and jump. Or climb.  Damn, which way do I go? Sometimes you just have to pick a road and go down it, even if you don’t know exactly where it will lead, or even if you know it doesn’t go where it looks like it does.

There really isn’t a point to all this rambling, but it helps me think, somehow. It helps me look at the same problems from a different perspective. Which sometimes provides an answer.  A brick wall across the road really doesn’t mean much if only you can find the entrance to the tunnel underneath it.

Blah.

Of CDL Study and Short-Changed Veggies

First off,  I must mention Memorial Day, and I hope we all remember why we have this three-day weekend. To all veterans and military members,  thank you. The words can never be enough.

Another month goes by.  We’ve had an extraordinarily cold May. Thinking we had finally reached some warm weather, I put out the seedlings I had so carefully nurtured through Feb, March and April, (they were threatening to overrun my kitchen, which is small enough to begin with) and it froze the very next day. We had snow on the mountains and in Reno just a few days ago. Weird weather, I blame the earthquakes.

Work has been going very well, I have been arriving early to practice for my CDL skills and pre trip tests.  I am hoping to be prepared within a week or two.  The driving part I am not so much worried about, and actually inspecting a vehicle I’m not concerned with, but remembering to inspect properly and in the correct order while someone watches has me a bit nervous.  Oh well, we’ll see how it goes.

In the writing sphere, I got another gig, although I’m not sure I can produce the 3-4 articles a week they would prefer. We’ll see how that goes.  Pay per click based, hopefully I can develop a readership after I submit a bit  more content.  It is a new thing to try to create a journalistic voice, very different from the writing to which I am accustomed.

I haven’t had a bit of time for blacksmithing, or spinning, or practicing with my sling.  I haven’t even been able to go out shooting since I got glasses. Oh, I didn’t mention that. I now have corrective lenses to compensate for my 20/100, 20/40 vision… on the upside, when I can get out there with my 9mm and my rifle, I should be able to hit the bulls eye more often, being able to see it instead of aiming for the middle of the blurry spot.

Well, I’ll try to update a bit more frequently, but no promises.  

Laterz!

Phew! Time Flies!

I was concerned that this would happen. I started a new project out of boredom (this blog), got busy, and the new thing has now fallen by the way side in favor of necessary things, like work, home maintenance, and car repair.  Rats. This is actually kinda fun, too.

Anyway, my job is progressing nicely, the house is a screwed up as ever, I have a flat tire to fix, lower ball joints to replace, and bearings to have done.  The paid internet research thing is good in that I have it there to do when I want to, but the old discipline/time issue raises its lazy head, so I do that only about once a week.

I did do a bit of spinning the other night though. My DH and I were sitting in front of his computer monitor watching old episodes of Hercules (yes, the cheesy fantasy series about the ancient Greek hero) and I decided I wanted something to do with my hands.  I pulled down my little sewing box, decided I did not want to deal with needles, and came across my drop spindle.  After that it took about 5 minutes to find a hank of soft purple wool, and I was spinning away, happy as could be.

I will be testing for a class B CDL soon,  gotta learn to drive the big stuff, so I really need to study. The manual is 213 pages. Fortunately I don’t need to memorize all of it.  Before that i must clean out the car, fix the tire, etc., and with any luck, I’ll have a bit of time after dinner for something fun. 

Toodles!

Of Pi Day and Hammers

Happy Pi Day!  March 14th, 3/14, 3.14…  yeah. I celebrate that. Gonna have to make a T-shirt for it one of these days.  Yes, I am enough of a nerd to appreciate this,  and as a side note, I also celebrate Towel Day, May 25th (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, anyone?) The plan is to go out for pie later. Woot.

In other news, work is going well, in my mind “they” is starting to become “we”.  I got approved for the internet researcher thing, so that is going well, too. As for living arrangements, I got a line on some shop space, we are going to check it out sometime this week. My description of our RV lifestyle and our two large dogs and extensive hobbies did not see to daunt her in the slightest, so it might be a go. We’ll see.

My husband bought me a new hammer, too.  It has been dubbed “Tink”, after a long-standing inside joke regarding correlation between data mining and knocking someone over the head for info… anyway, I figured it was a good name for a hammer.   This hammer is perfectly balanced, you pick it up you just want to smack something with it.  I think it will end up being my primary hammer for black smithing work.  Yeah, other women get flowers, I get a new hammer and am filled with the warm fuzzies. They can keep the blooms, I grow my own, but a hammer will last a hell of a lot longer.

Of Morphed Relationships and Paid Research

Good afternoon world!  On the job front, weather canceled work, so I have another free day! But no paycheck… so, in search of that at-home-job holy grail, I applied with a premier internet search site who pay a pittance for questions answered.  The world at large pours in questions, which get translated into proper English by other people, and then sent to the likes of (hopefully) me, wherein  a jeopardy-like race against time ensues, and I get to search and cite sources for an answer to the aforementioned question.  If accepted, it will be an independent contractor situation, not actual employment, but could mean a couple dollars here and there, and something moderately interesting to add to my resumé. A schedule created at my own personal whim as well.  At the very least it will be a way to whip my internet search skills into shape, a step or two beyond just googling something.

In other news, I was able to catch up with a good friend last night, someone who I haven’t seen in person in a few years. It is interesting to see how people change, how they grow.  In this particular case I was glad to see the person had become more responsible, but at the same time more willing to try new experiences in life. He seemed as though he had healed from a great deal.  Me, my dh, and our friend were able to hang out until almost two a.m., recounting old stories and sharing the events of our more recent lives. This was especially enjoyable because of our mutual histories, and it became clear that old wounds were healed, and we had all moved on. Perhaps that is one of the tests of true friendship, to have weathered stormy waters,forgive and be forgiven, and still delight in each others company?  In any case,  I look forward to our next meeting with none of the trepidation that preceded this one, and am both happy and proud to have genuine friendship affirmed.

Settling In

Well, and almost a month later, I return. What can I say? life happens, and then you look up and it’s a week, or a month, or a year later,  and you ask yourself, wtf happened?  Well, here’s some of it:

I’ve been settling in at my new job,  it fluctuates a bit, some weeks I get overtime, some weeks I get part-time.  Overtime gets the paycheck, part-time allows me to get caught up on other stuff, like this. 

In other news, I finally got the radiator replaced in the car, with my awesome husband assisting.  Also, the pile of junk got hauled off, including the old, leaky refrigerator that I had been using for power tool storage ( no garage, not enough tool box space, etc) and again, the dh helped me assemble the NEW plastic storage cabinet that now houses my bench grinder, router table, band saw, drill press, etc.  Boy am I glad to get that stuff out of the weather.  

Also, a new workbench is to be seen just over the horizon! Our neighbors gave us a solid plastic pallet when they pulled out a few months ago, I have been trying to figure out the best use for it. The work bench idea came to mind (large, square flat surface, sturdy).  I looked up stats on the pallet,  it is rated for about 1500 lbs and would have cost around $200 new. I had no idea pallets were so expensive! Anyway, sometime this week I will be drawing up plans for the support structure, probably 4×4′s , brackets, 2×4′s and a bit of plywood.  I will also be making a worktop surface out of 1 in. solid oak plywood, marine varnished, and possibly a steel top cover, at some point.   one corner will have holes drilled to accept bolts for a bench vise, and there will be a shelf on the bottom.

I got soil put into the cinder block planting bed out front, transplanted the english ivy and the strawberry plants that were covered in mulch over the winter.  I started some flower and vegetable seeds inside a couple weeks ago, hopefully the weather will be nice and I can  put them outside in 3-4 weeks.

On the education front, I found sites online where I can get my autoCAD certificate ($2000) and also some college level, for-credit math classes, algebra through Calc III, through the university of Ill., (between $900 and $2000 per course) and also Microsoft certs, (between $500 and $900, depending on the app). This is good news in that I will be able to get the education at home, and then exams through locally proctored testing, bad in that it will cost as much as a year at university.  I will figure it out though, somehow.  Still need to find science and Eng. courses.

Otherwise, I think I have found a workable invention idea to develop that could be useful at work, met an interesting neighbor who is into HHO gas conversions and amateur robotics, and have at least half a day to get caught up on a variety of tasks. If I don’t get distracted by the internet.

Toodles!

Chapter Outline

Well, it has been a busy week.  Acclimating to my new job has been a wearing experience, but worth it.  I feel like I really put in a days’ worth of effort now.

We have a big convention coming up next week, not that it will affect me greatly, given my very entry-level position. But perhaps it will pose an opportunity or two.

Meanwhile, this week my other goals have been somewhat neglected, household management and budgeting have gone by the wayside almost entirely, I have done NO work whatsoever on either book manuscript or the other new blog.

I have come to the conclusion, however, I will be unable to maintain my former job on a part-time basis.  There are far to many other things for which I must save my time.

I need to figure out how to get some college courses. Also, I am considering trying to get my CDL for work.  Both of these seem necessary for my long-term career goals.

So, short term goal list:

get CDL

get a few college classes started, probably online

get shop space!

get book 1 rough draft completed

get book 2 outline done

build other blog

learn the basics of Auto CAD

get my household running in a healthy,  smooth and efficient manner

Maybe I can get these things done, or at least started, in three months? Yeah, right.

Balancing the Equation

This time, I’ll start with the analogy. It might not make it in, if I wait.

It seems to me, Life is like an equation, with the ethereal, misty world of goals and dreams on one side, and the hard, earthy, scientifically definable world of facts and experience on the other.  Every once in a while, to move on down to the next step in solving the equation,  some element from one side crosses over, and affects things.  A dream becomes so real, so seemingly attainable, that it starts to solidify into a concrete reality you can touch.

Other times, the facts of a situation affect how dreams are formed, causing them to morph into something else, some shadowy portrait of an alternate future.

There can be positives and negatives on both sides, too, whose force can be multiplied, perhaps a hundred fold, depending on the symbols used.

When something comes to fruition from a dream, the dream can get canceled out, but the effect is present on the factual side.   Facts can cross each other out, and change the dreams you once had into other dreams, different dreams that fit the person you are now, rather than the person you were.

Time affects both sides, and is an operation performed only with positive numbers.  There is no zero in time, and no negatives. It is only applied, there is no taking it out.

Sometimes you have far more variables and constants present to one side or the other of the equals sign, and must do a great deal of figuring in order to reduce them to a manageable amount.

One thing is true, however. You have to decide at some point which variable for which you are going to solve.  It doesn’t mean you won’t solve for the others at a later time, but you must start with at least one.  With that solved, you can plug it in, and then solve the others.

Sometimes you realize there has been a mistake. Sometimes you have to start the problem over.

Eventually, you get the answer.  Eventually you find out how it all adds up.

At the bottom of the page, after you have applied your facts and dreams one to the other,  applied the forces of mathematical operators to both sides, you get an answer. It may not be the answer you hoped for at the top of the page. It may not seem to make sense. You may have forgotten or never known the reason the problem was set up in the first place.

But it's there, it has been reached. The variable of your life has been defined.

I wonder what the answer will be?

Chapter Break...

Well, a lot has happened in the last few days, or at least it seems like it.  We ended up fixing the car. After some internet research and more diagnostics, I ended up figuring that we had about an 85% chance of the problem just being the busted CV axle, and seeing as we already had the part, we replaced it. The car lives!  As a side note, working in wet, cold conditions sucks.  having a concrete surface on which to work is worth a great deal. Hopefully I’ll end up with a second vehicle later this year though.

In other news, today was my last full-time, regular day for the taxi.  Monday I start out at my new job.   I “kind of” quit like this before, but this time it has a sense of finality to it.  I haven’t burnt any bridges, but it feels as though that door has now closed.  That is the longest I have held a job with one employer. I’ve worked with and for some really great people. I know I’ll see them around town, but it just isn’t the same.

However, I am really excited about starting at the new place. It is an entry-level position, but a great company. I am excited to be a part (albeit  very small) of the work they- I mean, “we” do.

I feel as though one chapter has closed, but another is just around the page. It has been a good chapter, so I am excited to see what happens next.

Unexpected Motivation...

Fate has stepped in yet again.      

I was planning on replacing the driver side CV axle in my car this afternoon, should the afternoon be clear, I had even already picked up the part.   Lo and behold, I went into town for an hour or so, and the tranny went out.

I don’t mean it was a little low on fluid, or that something was a bit loose. I mean you can grind gears in an automatic, and the thing will roll in park.

I start a new job in a week, that requires a 25 mile commute, one way.  My household has this one vehicle. We just got it paid off in Dec. Such is life.

However, we were planning on getting a second vehicle this year anyway, and I have wanted a truck for a while.  I just wasn’t planning on it right now.

On the upside, I have found a few online to call about on Monday, and found a possible (unlikely) piece of property closer to my new job, for lease.    We’ll see how things go this next week.

Some days, to reach goals, you just plod along. Others, unexpected motivation just sort of pops out of the pavement, cleverly disguised as a road block.

I’m sure a solution will present itself.  Things like this force me to consider the concrete practicality of the execution of ideas.  Oh well, I work better under pressure.

Modus Viviendi, Pt. 2

 I decided to concretely set down a rough outline of the lifestyle I eventually wish to attain.   According to the dictionary, lifestyle means, and I quote, “the habits, attitudes, tastes, moral standards, economic level, etc., that together constitute the mode of living of an individual or group.” ( Dictionary- dot- com)

1. Habits

I would like to improve some day living skill type habits, in order to make my present environment better.  This includes things like maintaining my home and finances.  Picking one day a week for laundry would be a good start, and using cash only for daily purchases.  Doesn’t seem so hard, right?

2. Attitudes and Tastes

I have champagne taste and beer income. But I don’t like beer, so saving for the occasional bottle of champagne shouldn’t be that difficult. This is meant metaphorically (I actually do prefer beer to champagne). To the point, I appreciate  a fine degree of quality in material goods, but don’t need or want to expend the effort to obtain or maintain most of them. I appreciate to a greater degree the good or genuine ability or talent in people.   

3. Moral Standards

Ayn Rand makes sense to me, with the addendum of  morality and spirituality not being mutually exclusive. I believe there is a God, but also believe Life has been set up as a better teacher than the Bible could ever be.  I believe human beings in general greatly undervalue their own spirit, God given though it is.  I try not to do the same.

4. Economic level

Poor is ok. There will always be someone worse off, and therefore always some way to help. Rich is easier, but deceptive.  Being self sufficient precludes needing to worry about it, and ensures that what you have to help is genuinely yours to freely give.

5. Environment

Clean and chaotic is ok, roughly organized is better. Variety is definitely a good thing.  After basic needs are met, I want some workshop space!  I would like my housing to be comfortable and portable at least some of the time.

6. How my time is spent

A penciled in schedule, with time for projects at which I wish to work.   Entertainment is a nice break once in a while, but I mentally, physically and emotionally starve on it. It doesn’t feed my soul the way learning and creating do.  In short, I wish my time to belong to me, not someone else. I know that, in truth, it does belong to me, whatever I do, I am just trying to build the courage to act on that premise. Hopefully it is a lesson I can really learn and apply. It seems very valuable.

This blogging thing is hella therapeutic.  It is allowing me to take the vague ideas I believe and form them into something I can review. Gotta define goals before I can complete them, no?

I really must sleep if I wish to survive tomorrow. Toodles.

Lifestyle Management

It has occurred to me that many of my goals would be more easily obtained if I had to worry much less about the day-to-day aspects of modern survival. This isn’t a new thought, for me or the world in general, but I would like to outline some of my thinking in this area.

Generally speaking, I believe in the idea that a human being is responsible for himself. Whether you live or die, or in more modern terms, how comfortably you live, is up to you.  The commonly accepted model is that the harder you work, and the more you save, the better off you will be. I believe that too. Where opinions begin to differ is in the application of the principle.

If you haven’t gathered by now, I am big into D.I.Y. Do It Yourself. Unless you can ethically get the job done better and at less personal expenditure by someone else . For me the problem lies in defining exactly where that line falls.  What is easier to define is that paying in advance is almost always far more beneficial than being beholden for payment with interest later.

I have a significant lazy streak. To me, deferred interest paid equals more work later. I don’t like the idea of more work later. Later, I want less work and more time for what I want.

So, for what does my expended effort currently pay? Well, the obvious food, shelter, water, clothing etc. I took some time though, and really thought it out. Right now, a significant portion of my effort is expended in trade for entertainment and convenience. I need to modify that.

 I mentioned in a previous post that I want to develop a self sustaining lifestyle. What I mean by that is being able to pay for things in advance, and eventually make them pay for themselves. That probably sounds like a “duh” kind of statement, but it has taken me years to be able to fully understand what that means.

It doesn’t mean being rich in the traditional sense. I have met a few rich people, and it seems their wealth forces them to expend more effort that it saves them. I have met others that live on financial pittance, but have their time to spend freely, and can go where they want.

 Perhaps wealth lies more in appreciation than possession.

To be continued.

Back in the Real World

Hello. After reading the previous post, I decided that the somewhat random introspection needed to be balanced out by something a little more grounded.

After I submitted my resignation with my current employer, I qualified it with volunteering for back up on call on nights and my days off with my new job.  The wisdom in this is up for debate, we’ll see how I can deal when the time comes.

Thinking about the work my new employer does got me thinking once again about furthering my education, seeing as that seems to be the modus operandi for what I would eventually want to do for a company like that. I checked out the nearest University ( yet again), perusing the various majors and investigating the most interesting ones. After selecting my top two, I reviewed my pending application, coming no closer to being able to answer the multiple choice question about residency that does not take into consideration aged freshmen ( a.k.a. those more that five years distant from high school) that is required to actually submit the form online.

Stumped there, it being after midnight and not being able to call the admissions office for advice on the matter, I proceeded to the all important FAFSA. This document is apparently the foundation of almost any financial aid decision to be made regarding college education.

I received the results of this auspicious screening by email just yesterday. Unfortunately the federal government, through whatever number crunching alchemy they use, has determined I do not qualify for a grant, and that my expected family contribution is well over six thousand dollars, but were happy to provide links to various lending programs. Ah fuck ‘em. Didn’t want their help anyway.

 I do not feel like mortgaging my future assets in some twisted indentured servitude in exchange for something of dubious value that may or may not provide what I want to get out of it.

Let me clarify. I have the utmost respect for and appreciation of the pursuit and attainment of knowledge. What I can’t understand is agreeing to pay financial interest I would be taking a gamble in being able to pay off. I’ve met too many college graduates who are unable or uninterested in using their degree to obtain employment. Being held accountable for a debt of over 20,000 dollars does not sound appealing to me. It doesn’t even seem sensible, given my circumstances and temperament.

Factor into the equation the commuting distance and time investment required, being a full time student will not allow me to further my other goals, and also pay bills like rent and groceries.

So, what I am considering, is merely taking one or perhaps two courses, supplementing this with independent study and trying my darnedest to learn everything applicable I can from my lowly current position, including how best to interact with the people who actually do the interesting stuff and worm my butt into getting promoted to an entry level professional position based on ability and experience.

Besides, if they are the kind of people who value a piece of paper over ability to get the job done, that doesn’t sound like a good business model in my desired field, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable working in that environment anyway.

Now, I just have to get my app submitted, funds raised for at least one course, and find out how the hell I am supposed to get immunization records from 25 years ago, seeing as I was born after 1957.

Analogies, or the Lack of them...

Hey there.  My first mid-week post! Yay! Onward.

 A curious life analogy occurred to me recently. Most of the goal accomplishing gurus strongly suggest plans of action, lists, schedules, and the like. Some advocate extremely detailed descriptions and diagrams, while others suggest simple outlines and general ideas. Most seem to present both ideas, and leave you to choose between them.

For me, many ideas and goals I have seem to interweave like some incomprehensible electrical schematic, viewed through thick smoke and three feet of moving water, constantly morphing and defined in 3D.  I am often influenced by the things I read, from wanting to try something inspired by an adventure novel hero, to becoming emotionally moved or inspired by the true life story of a child soldier, or even going over some of my own old writing, savoring or cringing, in turn.

Priorities change intermittently, opportunities present themselves and withdraw, and when I get the itch to set it all down into some intelligible form, managing to create that plan in something definably concrete, say, paper or a computer file, it looks doable.  Eventually. Here’s where patience comes in. Or to be more exact, the lack of it.

I have not been a patient person in many respects. I made the “mistake” of praying for it once, and Divinity Personified in his judgement and wonderful sense of humor has been teaching me the lessons of it ever since. I have recently learned the yin to this yang, however. If something is to actually occur, there comes a point when patience is no longer a virtue, but a hinderance.

I need to learn Action, as well. I have accomplished some of the things necessary to turn my dreams into reality. Some of them are decidedly humdrum, such as doing the laundry. Others take a bit more gumption, and once the idea has germinated long enough and begins to spring forth and leaf out, invariably more genetic variants present themselves.

The great leaders throughout history have been lauded not only for strategy but decisive action.

I guess the long and short of this post condenses down to my repeated realization that dreaming, planning and action are not necessarily  steps in sequence, 1,2,3, but to be thought of in a loop, revising as we go.

The result of this means that where you aim for is not likely to be where you end up, but if you like where you end up when you get there, it hasn’t been a wasted journey.

Let us lift our glasses to a successful journey, and feed the hope that the destination is a well lived life. 

Guess we don’t know ’til we get there, huh?

P.S.  This post is a classic case in point. That analogy, mentioned in the first paragraph? It had to do with countdowns. By the end of the post, it has become completely irrelevant. I’m not even sure it made sense, come to think of it.

Out of the Blue...

It seems as though settling myself in with something and “resigning” myself to a particular set of circumstances is Fate’s cue to step in and say, “Hey! Now I can shake things up a bit!”

I had settled in to the taxi thing, found my warm fuzzy cocoon within it, and made myself satisfied with it because, as everyone knows, times are hard and jobs are scarce, right? I played up the advantages, such as being able to work on my writing between calls (when I get a laptop someday, this will be much easier), read at my leisure, and get paid for literally sitting on my butt, and waiting.

The last time I got antsy pants about it, I applied for a temp position with a great company who does work I am VERY interested in, especially at the higher levels.  Got the temp work, tried my darndest to turn it into full-time employment, even to the point of applying for a higher position within the same company after I had been laid off. No dice.  They were friendly, but not too hot on me doing the next job for which I had applied (I am capable, just not experienced enough within the field for them to discount lack of a degree). This was several months ago.

10 a.m. on Friday morning, I got a call from them asking me to come back, full-time, in the same position I had worked initially.  By noon, I had spoken with my man, put in tentative and apologetic notice with my current employer, and called my mother. By two, I had hashed it out with her,  called the prospective employer back, confirmed benefits in three months and gotten on day shift,  and solidified the aforementioned notice.

By day’s end I was scheming on how to get moved closer to avoid the 30 min. commute, and justifying it by figuring I could find a place with workshop space and a fenced yard for the dogs. I don’t need a house, mind you, just something with power and a garage door, and a fence.  oh yeah, and cheap rent.

This is a classic example of what happens to me .  Not that I get random job offers, but that interesting stuff happens that shakes up the general plan I had sometimes just moments before.

It keeps things interesting, anyway.

The "I Have's"

It has been firmly established that I want a great many things. I am not ashamed to want a lot, but I do not wish to give the impression that I have nothing, or that I have made no progress toward anything. So, without further ado,  here are a few things I have, and for which I am immensely grateful. Or which I take for granted most of the time.

I have…

A roof and walls of my own. It leaks a little, and needs a lot of work, but thanks to those who love me,  I have a somewhat portable house. Fortunately the rent on the ground beneath the rubber foundation is month to month, so should circumstances present themselves that make it advantageous to move, I can, with little trouble.  I will have even less trouble when/if I ever get the engine rebuilt.  ( I live in a motorhome).

Most of the tools to make some of the things I want to, actual physically present tools like wrenches and saws, and also mental tools,  like experience in construction and mechanics, even for mildly esoteric things, like blacksmithing.

I have an interesting job that I can maintain ( I am a notorious job hopper, never happy working for someone else their way). Being a taxi driver means I have some freedom during my workday, and the times I do not I am making money, so it doesn’t bother me as much. Also, great character inspiration from my customers.

Last but not least, I have the love of a wonderful man who believes in my ability, puts up with my craziness, understands me when I don’t myself, and is willing to try a great many things.  He also keeps my head level enough to look at things practically, and keeps a firm hold on my belt when I want to dive off the deep end, at least until I put on a life jacket.

I have food when I want it,  adequate shelter, plenty of fresh water, access to books and the internet,  and love.  I NEED for nothing.

And in that, I am truly blessed.

The "I Want's..."

So far, I have posted more than a few “I wants…”  most of which are directly coupled to personal effort not expended.  In short, like most of humanity, I am incredibly lazy and somewhat afraid to try things.  In having written the above sentence, I have acknowledged these traits, and hopefully can move past them.  First step is admitting you have a problem, no?  :)

Also, because the idea is for other people to eventually read this, and because most of those people do not know me in person, below is a longer list of my “I wants…”, although still not nearly all-inclusive.

I want…

to learn blacksmithing well enough to craft a fine knife blade from scratch.

to build my own furniture from the ground up, design through finishing.

to author The Great American Novel, thinly veiled within the genre of sci-fi.

to own a piece of the Earth that I can come back to between travels.

to build my home atop or beneath the afore-mentioned piece of Earth.

to travel about the rest of the globe, seeing and absorbing all I can of it.

to become physically fit for climbing, running, and exploring caves.

to build the systems of my life in such a way that they are self-sustainable.

and the list goes on.

You see, I have this video montage of memories yet to be made.  I suppose it is rather like the director who sees the movie in his minds’ eye. I want to be able to watch the movie from atop the mountain described in the previous post.

That being said, movies probably don’t really turn out exactly as the director envisions them in the beginning. I’m fine with that too, as long as it is a good movie.

S

Death Fantasies

Have you ever imagined your death?  Perhaps it is an image of throwing yourself in the path of a speeding bullet to save a loved one, or picturing a pillow covered bed of rest surrounded by family and friends.

My death fantasy is an older, wiser copy of myself, with a weather-beaten, sun darkened visage crowned in a windblown silvery mane.  From the wrinkled depths of this face pierce two lively eyes which seem to laugh, as though they know something you do not, but will learn.  The backdrop is a mountain summit, just conquered,  perhaps a canteen of something good at my side.   The view is stunning.

The view changes from time to time. Some days it may be a lush rain forest, others a harsh desert vista, but where ever the view is set, it is always remote, and full of natural beauty. Various accoutrements are present, perhaps a warrior’s rifle or bow, other times merely a leather-bound journal tucked in a pocket, which is of course filled with personal accounts of wonderful adventures.

In this story, sometimes I am found days or centuries later, and the fact I exist/existed inspires people to explore their world, to believe in human ability to make the impossible not only possible but expected. Sometimes my remains are never found, the mere fact I existed is enough.

What all this boils down to, I think, is that I wish to genuinely experience everything I possibly can. It also means I want to inspire others, and take joy in knowing human being continue to explore and invent, to feel and to play and to live.   Pure simple joy in life is the greatest gift we receive, and all to often, we push it away.

I want to look back, knowing I didn’t push it away.

First Post

Welcome.  This blog is set up to help me slap myself upside the head regarding action towards some of my personal goals. Like most people, I have lots of goals, some of which are fairly ordinary, such as losing weight, getting my household set up properly,  someday getting my dogs leash trained.  Normal stuff.

Other things I would like to think are unique, or interesting, but in reality are common.  I would like to start exploring caves and old, abandoned buildings.  I want to design some flat fold furniture. I want to start using my forge and anvil.  I want workshop space.

I really, REALLY want workshop space.

I have way too many interests, and tend to genuinely believe that anything is possible.  This has led to some interesting lifestyle choices, and a great many illogical decisions.  By that, I mean they seem illogical to most people. They seem like perfectly plausible courses of action to me. At the time.

Under the category  ”Someday, I want _” are a few of the following.

to build a monolithic dome home.

to build a yurt.

to convert a bus.

to build a rat rod (make and year change quite often)

to travel the world

to explore the caves sixty miles from my home.

to make a truly fine knife blade.

there are, of course, many, many more.

This is to be a blog of dreams, sure, but it is to be about action. I will probably not complete all my dreams in this life, and many of them most likely will change. But hey, no harm in trying, right? I just gotta build the gumption. Lots of trying sometimes means lots of failure. That can be hard to swallow. Or swim though. Or drown in.

Anyway, it’s been a hell of a ride so far. Can’t wait to see what is around the corner.